Announcing my Candidacy for WSL CEO
I’ve always been on the fringe of the competitive scene. You can ask Janice Aragon of the NSSA about it. I had poor wave selection, living and dying by the Dane Reynolds comp philosophy: I’d rather lose and do something kinda cool than string something together for a criteria to turn a heat. I rarely did either. My career highlight was a last second grab-rail reverse into the rock boils at Salt Creek during NSSA State Championships. But that’s no excuse. Surf comps are hard and I always liked surf videos more. But maybe that’s why I’m the guy for the job. I like culture, hype and entertainment. I’m on the outside. That will be the foundation for my campaign to become CEO of the WSL.
Growing up, to get elected to student council you could swing voters with the promise of soda in the drinking fountains, pajama day and pizza Fridays. Nowadays you have to promise to drain the swamp or broker world peace. I dunno about any of that, but I like to think I can reintroduce surf culture into competitive surfing. Right now it feels a little…conservative and uptight. Below is my five point plan that I’m running on to become CEO of the WSL now that ELO has been axed:
We’ll debut “Event Cards.” Ever wanted to see John John against Noa Deane at North Point? Or Filipe, Medina, Chianca and Italo at Lowers all at once? Steph vs. Carissa at pumping J Bay? We can do that! Surfers will be seeded on different specialties and through the year events will build up to a Championship Card that will determine the world champ. At Pipeline. The events will take place in one day and will feature a best out of three hour-long heats. I will become surfing’s Dana White. We’ll probably get them championship belts too.
I will introduce “situational music”: I’ve been pushing for this for over a decade now. Ever since they got rid of Miss Op, surf contests are pretty tame and boring. Ever been to a sporting event without music at key moments? No, that would be weird. All good sporting events play situational music to get the crowd hyped. We must do this. Imagine a set approaching John John at Margaret River as the opening riff to Bush’s “Machinehead” plays. That would rival any NFL kickoff.
All wave pool events will exclusively be airshows and must look like an episode of MTV’s The Grind. If we’re going to have these damn things, they better be fun.
We will remove the scoring system as we know it. Judges will keep scores to themselves, similar to the way a boxing match is scored. Style, flow, progression and spontaneity will be the criteria. Gymnastics and boxing are the examples. Judges will tally scores based on those elements and after all three heats are surfed and each surfer has had plenty of opportunities to shred, a winner will be announced.
Ronnie and Vaughn Blakey will receive exclusive lifetime color commentator duties. Chris Cote will serve as event DJ and Rosie Hodge will be our exclusive sideline reporter.
If that all fails, I’ll put cold Pacifico in all the Hydroflasks for everyone in attendance. Do I have your vote? Mr. Ziff, hit me up. —Travis Ferré
[Above photo: Roy Porello, Concert, Pacific Beach, 1965]
Our official campaign song:
